Once you think …

Once you think you’re back up, something else knocks you down. Then you’re stuck, fighting the demons that have come back to haunt, torment and try to kill you, again. I question, how much more will I be able to endure? I thought the love of God is supposed to preserver, I feel as if it’s diminishing. As I was cooking dinner I thought, ‘to die right now would be a privilege’ but I can’t and I won’t, but numbing the pain is always an option. Why are people, my own blood, out to destroy me? I ask myself, what did I do?  I still tread these muddy waters, but when is it ever going to end? When can I rest? When will I ever stop being judged?? Crappy thing is I already know the answer. If my life were to end today, it would only make matters worse for everyone I love. Just right now, I am just so very tired and there’s no one here to listen and I have no wine to drink…excuse me while I go and sing these heavy laden blues darkening my soul. Never give up my loves and don’t ever depend on anybody but yourself, choose to be happy and when road blocks such as these happen go outside and roll in the grass or kiss your lover if they’re next to you or call a friend and if you don’t have any of these…sing whatever is in your heart or just dance like nobody’s watching…cause usually no one actually is lol ^_^ Do whatever your heart tells you to and release all the negative energy. Cry as much as you need to and just allow the pain to pass through.

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